two or three (Mt. 18:15-20)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Psalm 133; Matthew 18:15-20

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” (Matthew 18:15)

This is such an important passage, right in the middle of Jesus' discourse on relationships in the church. Let us note this priority of, and pattern for, reconciliation and restoration. This is a long one, but I didn't title it "two or three" because it's the length of two or three blogs... [Again, I’m in Louisiana on retreat and ask for your prayers.]

It is so easy to draw others into our relational difficulties. It’s a dynamic called “triangling” - me (the first person) bringing a third person into a problem relationship, over and against the problem second person. We do it all the time, in our families, at work, in the neighborhood, and in church. Jesus says initially it is to be between “you and him alone.”

The process Jesus describes here has a number of components or steps, including bringing one or two people next, which would make a total of two or three witnesses to the other person’s alleged sin against you… which corresponds to Jesus’ promise that “where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (v. 20, also a reflection of one of the BIG themes of Matthew… Jesus is Immanuel, God with us), and finally bringing it to “the church.” We would do well to read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest this as a church. It’s hard stuff. But the purpose is to gain your brother (v. 15), to restore straying sheep to the fold, and to know his presence as we gather in his name.

We should not triangle others into our problem relationships, but we also ought to not allow ourselves to be triangled in another’s problem relationship. Sometimes this is easy to discern and handle, sometimes it’s so juicy or interesting or close to home that we gladly (or unknowingly) get pulled in. In such cases, we would do well to ask the person not to talk to us about it any more, and ask him or her to go alone to the other person, and not to involve you until after an unsuccessful first attempt on their part to deal with it alone, at which point you would go along as a “witness” (if you are willing to) to talk to the allegedly sinning person.

This whole concern has always been important to Christ's church. It's part of what we mean by saying we believe in "one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church." The three marks of the true church, basically so defined by all the Reformation churches, were the Word faithfully preached, the Sacraments faithfully administered, and Discipline (or a disciplined Christian life adhered to).

Wow, this all seems so intense… who would want to be so involved or holier than thou or whatever? Well, that may be part of Jesus’ point. If you feel sinned against, either be quiet (and pray about it) or deal with it. Don’t go spreading division and probably even half-truths about others around the fellowship (half-truths because we’re going to spin the story somewhat out of our hurt, plus we don’t know the whole story unless we talk first to that person). And also, think/pray long and hard about it before you play the judge and separate yourself from a brother or sister, or maim the body by trying to cut a member off. The unity of the Body of Christ is that important.

I do think this also relates to a brother or sister who has not necessarily sinned against you personally (like lied about you, or committed adultery, or stole from you), but who has sinned or is sinning, and because you know about it and are a fellow member of Christ’s Body and are in relationship in His church, it is in effect a sin against you and the whole church.

Now, of course, we all sin, every day. We have our habitual sins, that God willing, we are working on and not hiding. This is a great place for a small group to help us, and to function as the first couple of steps in the process Jesus instructs us in today. Some of our small groups do this, and a couple are starting with this in mind – where we would confess our sins, share our struggles, and encourage and hold one another accountable. [This is such a sign to me of God’s grace and Spirit at work in our midst!]

Finally, a brief point about “binding and loosing.” These were common rabbinic terms in Jesus’ day, referring to the authority Jesus gives the church to discern and decide what is permissible and what is forbidden (cf. 16:19). This fits in to the context here because whether or not one has sinned, or is sinning, could be brought before the church (which I understand first to mean church leaders) to make a final decision (either way), and then, if necessary, communicated to the whole church.

I have often fallen into the trap, the stumbling block, the sin of talking about others. I think it's rather innocent, and I really don't mean harm by it. But usually, if I stop and think about it (or if Brooke calls me on it), it's really because of pride, and insecurity, and exalting myself as greater than another - and because I'm not, as Jesus begins chapter 18 by saying, humbling myself.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

Again, our Psalm gives a beautiful reflection on the heart of the Lord expressed by Jesus today:

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!
It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes!
It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the LORD has commanded the blessing, life forevermore.
(Psalm 133)