Is it lawful to divorce?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Matthew 19:1-12


I have a few comments about today's reading, but they will be limited mostly to casting a positive vision for disciples at Church of the Apostles. One of my most memorable sermons at St. James' (so people say) was from Mark's account (the gospel, that is) of this story... "the divorce sermon." I don't want to fuel another lasting discussion (seriously, I still hear comments about it). This is an important subject, with a lot of emotional, physical, social, absolutely life-changing weight connected to it. Hence, the disciples' response after Jesus' comments that it would be better not to marry, and Jesus' summary about being eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom (when you look up the word "eunuch" also look up the word "hyperbole", :) ).

One last thing before my devotional for today: if you haven't checked out Dwight Pryor yet, I commend him. His ministry's website is www.jcstudies.com (stands for Jewish Christian Studies). He has some excellent, in my opinion, teaching on divorce there.

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Matthew begins a new section, again noted with his phrase "Now when Jesus had finished these sayings..." and again reporting Jesus healing large crowds. This section seems definitely connected to chapter 18, while introducing, or revisiting, themes of conflict, value, and cost. Note that the whole discussion about divorce is premised on the Pharisees coming up and testing him. I think it's very significant that it immediately follows the teaching in chapter 18.

What is valuable in God's kingdom? How are we to treat the "weak" one? What kind of cost does that call for among disciples of Jesus? What place do the themes of chapter 18 - humbling ourselves, forgiveness, not causing a weak one to sin, seeking out a straying one, following a godly process of reconciliation, and experiencing Jesus in the midst of your union - have in this discussion? These are questions to keep in mind in thinking about divorce, NOT "how can I get away with it (and not go to hell)?"

Today's text speaks about wives (and then continues with children), who did not have the value or strength of the man in Jesus' day. Jesus recognizes and elevates their value, and consequently explicitly and implicitly clarifies the kingdom way and kingdom cost (see italics in paragraph above).

As Director of Spiritual Formation at Church of the Apostles, and as the pastor overseeing and encouraging our small group ministries, I want to share this:

For disciples of Jesus, our marriages can be our first "small group", and secondly, our families (ie. if there are children at home) can be our next small group.

By "small group" we mean an intentional gathering of 2 or 3 people to perhaps around 12, for the purpose of spiritual growth, worship,encouragement and accountability.

Having said that, most Christian wives reading this are going to think, "that's all I've ever really wanted..." And many Christian husbands are going to panic, or at least feel defensive. Please resist that response. Casting this vision is meant to unify and bless, not cause distress.

Again I'd say, if discipleship is a step-by-step journey walking with and after Jesus, then what's the next step? Do you pray together, every day? If not, how can you start in a way that works for both of you? Could you say the Lord's Prayer together? Could you sit silently and pray?

Let me simply say this (and probably further complicate things): divorce is not the unforgivable sin. Of itself, to divorce may or may not be a sinful action. I believe the import of Jesus' teaching is that if one divorces in order to marry another, that constitutes adultery. I also believe that there is a long honest, humble dialogue/journey (cf. Matthew 18) that ought to be processed through with the faith community (and not on one's own, or the couple's own) before coming to any place of thinking divorce would be permissible. However, this rarely, if ever, happens. The pain associated with marital stress can be overwhelming; the fight or flight response usually ends up in "flight"... Lord, please help us as couples and as a community.

Brothers and sisters, we have a promise from the risen one. From the one who knows all of our stuff, all of our struggles and fears and temptations; the one who bore all the pain of sin, separation, and unforgiveness in his body on the cross. From the risen, victorious king; the Prince of Peace. From the third person in every Christian marriage, who makes two one. From him who humbled himself; from Immanuel:

"If two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."
(Matthew 18:19-20)